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I demand tomatoes!!

Aug. 1st, 2010

02:37 am - DEAR HUMANS!


My IMPORTANT NEWS is that...




...I'M HUNGRYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: hungryhungry

May. 10th, 2010

01:15 am

I had an AWESOME Mother's Day! For the first time EVER since I was a tiny baby, I didn't spend Mother's Day with little CREEPS wanting to give me PRESENTS involving their BUTTS!!!! Now they're DEAD and I have PEACE and QUIET on Mother's Day!!! OINK OINK OINK!!! Now just give me my special Mother's Day tomatoes!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic

Mar. 14th, 2010

01:52 am

1. What is something mom always says to you?
"Diabeetus! Diabeetus!" It's really dumb and annoying!

2. What makes mom happy?
When I yell in her ear, obviously.

3. What makes mom sad?
When she doesn't listen to me and things don't go right.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Cuddling the cats. LIKE THEY NEED IT!!!

5. What was your mom like as a child?
I don't know, the universe began when I was born.

6. How old is your mom?
28. But really only 7 like the rest of the universe.

7. How tall is your mom?
Too tall. What's she need those legs and that torso for??

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Play video games where she names the characters after me and other, lesser, animals. I know, weird!

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
She takes long bus rides to places where she picks up many dirty objects and scans them into computers. Humans are weird.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Maybe she'll write a book about my awesomeness.

11. What is your mom really good at?
Catching me, unfortunately.

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Leaving me alone when I'm having a good nap in my pee.

13. What does your mom do for her job?
Handling dirty stuff. I don't care as long as she can buy me hay.

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
General Tso's Chicken. At least that's what I want her to eat! SHARE!!!

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
When she gives me extra veggies!

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Um...something that buys a lot of tomatoes?

17. What do you and your mom do together?
She tells stories to the human creeps while holding me, and I correct her stories and pee on her.

18. How are you and your mom the same?
We have fluffy hair!

19. How are you and your mom different?
I have sexy mismatched ears! Hers are both boring and pink.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
I DON'T know that. She's such a meanie.

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
I don't have a dad and I don't want one! Mommy is bad enough!

Feb. 20th, 2010

11:13 pm

Dear humans,

I hate you all.

In other news, I had the BEST Valentine's Day EVER! What made it so great? I had NO STINKY SON to annoy me! Yes, I have completed my life's work and managed to get rid of stinky Jackie! He FINALLY up and died in January and I've been SO happy ever since! You have NO idea how nice it is to be able to leave my pigloo and come back and find it NOT piled high with stinky poops. (My own poops are delicately scented and taste like candy.)

Jan. 20th, 2009

01:31 pm - Well FINALLY!!!

You humans FINALLY did something right! You elected someone who is BLACK and WHITE!!! JUST LIKE ME!!! SEEEE!!!!


Nov. 21st, 2008

05:56 pm - I HATE MOMMY!!!

ONCE AGAIN she updated for JACKIE and NOT ME!!! IT IS NOT FAIR!!!

Jackie FINALLY figured out how to use the Care Bears cozy! IT TOOK HIM LONG ENOUGH!!!! Now the cuddle cup is MINE MINE ALL MINE HA HA HA HA HA!!! And his FILTHY STINKY POOP GOOP is NOT in MY BED!!! HA HA HA!!!

Nov. 4th, 2008

10:38 am

As my dear deceased husband would say...


Current Mood: angryangry

Oct. 10th, 2008

03:47 pm

Halloween Meme
agateway swoops on anyaluvsbacon and drains their brains
anyaluvsbacon devours the entire neighbourhood's cutlery
cantstopthedawn buries likoura at the crossroads with a sock through their heart
cavywench shows up with burning torches, pitchforks and dip
charlyblue sacrifices cantstopthedawn's candy
eljuno dresses up as portlyportia
fancypanda TPs anothersaturday
jackiethewacky summons the undead armies of agateway to steal your candy
jeshala eats charlyblue's spicy, spicy brains.
likoura puts apples in your razorblades
mammabear66 puts fake eyeballs in your gerbils
mslayniemslaynie creates an unholy monstrosity from mammabear66mammabear66, mslayniemslaynie and likouralikoura
onescaratatime runs around screaming for hours until abruptly silenced by eljuno, wielding a sharpened gerbil
portlyportia puts real eyeballs in your Wings Greatest Hits
anothersaturday carves cavywench's effigy in the medium of socks
LJ Name

Mar. 21st, 2008

10:55 pm - WELL!!

Mommy BROKE her PokeNav computer JUST to annoy me!!! HOW am I supposed to write in my LIVEJOURNAL??? Well, NOW that she has it back, I can finally update everyone on my life!

JACKIE has come up with a stupid game called "DRIVE MOMMY CRAZY"!!! He likes to RUN INTO ME at TOP SPEED!!! And since he's SO FAT that is really QUITE painful!! I have tried SCREAMING at him but he is TOO dumb to understand a thing I say!! I am REALLY jealous of THAT VAMPIRE right now since he has such an AWESOME ear-stealing son and DOESN'T DESERVE HIM!!!

Also that BITCH queenraynapiggy has CANCER!! Oink oink oink!!

I need to update my interests list!

Jan. 5th, 2008

11:56 am - STUPID MOMMY!!!

Mommy has this STUPID idea that I have HEART problems and I'm going to DIE!! WELL I DON'T AND I WON'T!!! That should be enough for Mommy, but NOOOO, she has to CUDDLE me and PET me and KISS me and talk about TAKING ME TO THE VET!!! Well if I HAVE heart problems, should she take me to the EVIL VET to be MOLESTED?!? I THINK NOT!!!!

Current Mood: angryangry

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